Doubt

Beauty
is only my idea of beauty

Lovely man and lovely man
my ideas shift as some dark moon

Unfurling with me, shoulders back
and back arched and jaw unhinging

Spool of universe.

Cyclically I am taken
to find myself with my hair hauled
back

Walking home, or sat as bright chap
in class;
or where we etch out our youth
being earthen and gold dashed

Over cathedral, park and riverbank.
Dashing around with gold water,
gold fire every week dead.

Sky-locked, I would no
longer replace this with innumerable
lights.

The body is moulded back
into something like a pious swan

and doubt makes the
black moon heave itself from my chest.

Hacked with knuckles and beaks
from tying it to the tide
and that lovely man before.

My sky is full of you, cruel moon
now I can’t stop hoarding space all around me

and questioning everything.

Stasis
this is only my idea of stasis

birthing my old night
now and then from an erratic
space within me

lovely man and lovely man
moon I’ll keep looking then.

Closing

Closed
the glass is dead and I cannot
see the outside

The day is grey as last year
smothered and I am drawn
to shut with a stranger
in the grass

Tongue of light above
chimneys tonight, I am not
incredible.

Closed
faced, the sun has fallen
behind the sofa

Where I would like to
hide and be found forever.

I am knowledge again
tight expression, window closed
I cannot bear another year of
slogging through the grey

Like children lost
in mud. I have given everything
again to be a half of someone

Or to roll the glass away and
know light.

He will not love you this time.
I close harder and darker
every minute, as stone

I am bending around the river
again, swimming sometimes.

Bats

Bats brought me home
in chaos, tissue thin
but with two tiny mountains
hooked over jutting bones

And mountain ears
faster than anything.
Will fleck my face, will tangle
in my hair.

I am open mouthed
head up for them, thrilling me
cometing over me.